How to Stay Sane in the Chaos of Mom Life

Life with kids is… a lot. 

The screaming toddler, the messy house, the milk that just spilled, and the fact that you’re already late for a meeting—it’s no wonder that staying calm feels impossible sometimes.

Here’s the thing: Our children’s brains don’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe—the part responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and reasoning. So when they’re melting down over the “wrong” color of sippy cup, they are looking to us to co-regulate with them.

But let’s be real—on some days, I’m not even sure I have a fully developed frontal lobe!

And that’s okay.

Self-regulation isn’t something we just have—it’s a practice. It’s not about being permanently “plugged in” to a state of Zen-like peace (oh, how I wish). It’s about learning to notice when we’re unplugged—and choosing to reconnect.

As Wayne Dyer said, self-mastery isn’t about always being connected—it’s about learning to re-plug in, over and over again.

So if you ever feel like you’ve “failed” at staying calm, you haven’t. You’re just learning to come back home to yourself—again and again and again.

Here are some strategies I’ve learned: 

Understanding Self-Regulation: Why It Matters

Self-regulation is the foundation of emotional resilience. It’s the ability to respond instead of react, to meet stress with awareness instead of overwhelm.

When we learn to self-regulate:

✔ We make better decisions. Instead of acting from a place of fight-or-flight, we respond with clarity.

✔ We parent with more patience. Because let’s be honest—our kids aren’t always the ones needing regulation. Sometimes, it’s us.

✔ We model emotional intelligence. When we practice regulating ourselves, our children learn to do the same.

✔ We feel more grounded, present, and aligned. Instead of spinning out in stress, we return to a state of ease.

So how do we do it?

Plugging Back In: Practical Tools for Self-Regulation

When life throws chaos our way (which it will), these are the tools that help us return to center.

1. The Power of Nature: Get Outside & Ground Yourself

Nature is one of the fastest, easiest, cheapest ways to reset your nervous system (and it’s my personal favorite way). It’s no accident that forest bathing, earthing, and sunlight exposure all have measurable effects on stress levels, heart rate, and brain function.

💡 Try this: Step outside, take a deep breath, and let your bare feet touch the earth. If it’s too cold, simply stepping outdoors and feeling the fresh air on your face can be enough.

✔ Low on time? Stand near an open window and look up at the sky for 60 seconds.

✔ Feeling overstimulated? Step outside, close your eyes, and listen for five different nature sounds.

2. Breathwork: The Fastest Way to Regulate Your Nervous System

Breathwork is the bridge between the body and spirit. It’s free, accessible, and incredibly powerful.

When we’re stressed, our breathing becomes shallow and rapid, keeping us locked in fight-or-flight mode. Conscious breathing sends a signal to the nervous system that we are safe.

💡 Try this:

✔ Box Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. (Repeat 5x.)

✔ 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. (Great for anxiety!)

✔ Sama Vritti (Equal Breathing): Inhale for 6, exhale for 6. (Calming & balancing.)

(Bonus: If you want to take it up a notch, add humming on the exhale to activate the vagus nerve—your body’s built-in relaxation switch!)

3. The Nervous System & Emotional Triggers: Recognizing Your Patterns

When you’re triggered, your nervous system kicks into survival mode. Understanding these responses can help you break free from the cycle.

💡 Which one do you default to?

✔ Fight: You react with anger, frustration, or defensiveness.

✔ Flight: You feel the urge to escape—scrolling, staying busy, avoiding the issue.

✔ Freeze: You shut down, feel paralyzed, or go numb.

✔ Fawn: You people-please to diffuse tension, even at your own expense.

Recognizing your pattern is the first step toward changing it.

💡 Try this: The next time you feel triggered, pause and ask yourself:

📝 What do I feel in my body right now?

📝 What do I need in this moment?

📝 How can I respond instead of react?

Bringing awareness to your triggers shifts the power back into your hands.

4. Movement: Shake Off Stress & Reconnect to Yourself

Emotions live in the body. When we get stuck in stress, moving physically helps move the energy.

💡 Try this:

✔ Shake It Out: Literally shake your arms, legs, and whole body for 30 seconds. (It works!)

✔ Stretch & Breathe: Slow movements help release tension.

✔ Go for a Walk: Especially in nature. 10 minutes can change everything.

✔ Dance: Put on a song and move however your body wants.

If you’re stuck in your head, get into your body.

5. Mindfulness & Reframing: Shift Your Perspective

When we’re dysregulated, our thoughts tend to spiral. Mindfulness helps bring us back to the present.

💡 Try this:

✔ Name 5 Things You Can See, Hear, Feel, Smell, Taste. (Ground yourself in the moment.)

✔ Mantra Repetition: “I am safe. I am calm. I can handle this.”

✔ Reframe the Moment: Instead of Why is this happening to me?, try What is this teaching me?

When You Don’t Want to Regulate

Let’s be real—sometimes, when you’re triggered, you don’t want to regulate. Some part of you wants to stay mad, frustrated, or irritated. In that moment, the last thing you want to do is take a deep breath and go for a barefoot walk in the grass.

And to make things even trickier, your mind is likely working overtime, trying to analyze, solve, or “fix” whatever problem triggered you in the first place. That’s what our minds do—they want to protect us, to make sense of things, to control the chaos.

Here’s the thing: This is not the time to solve the problem. Instead of feeding into the emotions or getting lost in overthinking, try this:

✨ Pause. Take a deep breath.

✨ Acknowledge the part of you that wants to stay in the emotion. It’s okay. Just because you feel angry doesn’t mean you have to act from that place.

✨ Thank your beautiful mind for trying to help. Silently say to yourself, I see you. I appreciate you. But right now, my job isn’t to fix this—it’s to regulate my nervous system first.

✨ Let the emotions be without feeding them. You don’t have to push them away, but you also don’t have to engage with every thought they bring up.

Once you’re grounded, you can return to the situation with clarity and intention. When your nervous system is calm, the solutions become clearer, and you can respond in a way that aligns with who you want to be.

Because that is true self-regulation—not suppressing your emotions, but holding space for them without letting them take over.

Takeaways: The Practice of Returning to Yourself

Self-regulation isn’t about never getting triggered. It’s about learning to return to yourself, over and over again.

There’s no “perfect” way to do this. Some days you’ll remember to breathe, other days you’ll snap before you catch yourself. That’s okay.

The magic is in the awareness—in noticing when you’re unplugged and choosing to plug back in.

But you don’t have to do this alone.

Motherhood can feel isolating, especially when you’re trying to stay patient and regulated while juggling a million responsibilities. Connecting with other mamas who understand your struggles can be one of the most powerful tools for self-regulation.

Your Next Steps:

✅ Choose one self-regulation practice (breathwork, grounding, shaking it out, cold exposure, etc.) and try it today.

✅ Practice noticing when you’re “unplugged”—awareness is the first step.

✅ Join the Wildly Well Mamas community for support and encouragement!

💛 Join us for our monthly virtual mom’s circles—held after the kids are asleep—where we breathe, reset our nervous systems, and remind each other that we are not alone.

🌿 Ready to deepen your practice? Join the Wildly Well Mamas community today!